I am a singer songwriter who was living the gypsy life. Traveling to write, tour, meet artists, and not truly planting roots in NYC. After I got married at 34, my appendix burst, and I was close to losing it all; so between that and my career, I did not think about starting a family right away. At 36, I nervously stopped taking a pill that I had taken since I was 18. Most of my friends got pregnant quickly so I assumed that would happen to me.
After 2 years of no luck, I decided to look into treatments. I remember bringing my first round of clomid with me to LA. I hate medication so, while in a recording session, I stepped out to call a friend who is a fertility specialist. He convinced me to just try it. After 3 months of that, we did our first IUI. I remember taking the trigger shot with me to Boston and waking up in my hotel room the next day, showering, packing, everything that led to the moment where I would give myself this shot. I numbed my stomach and boom! I screamed out with pride that I was able to do it! Little did I know there would be many more, and each shot would get less joyous.
After 2 years of IUI and meds, it was time for IVF. 2 rounds later, I had produced 10 embryos with only 1 that tested “normal”. We moved forward with implanting it only to find out there was no heartbeat at 7 weeks. I elected to have a DNC and after years of trying, I thought that I had reached my limit.
Frustrated & sad, we needed a vacation. I tried to relax while taking supplements & antibiotics for endometritis, all while drinking mai tais and trying to remember what it was like NOT to try to have a baby. When I got home, I was supposed to start with a new dr and was waiting for my period to come. My period never came and it turned out that I brought a little souvenir home with me from Hawaii. His name is Leo Cash and he was born on Nov. 5 2017
Listen to Toby's new song Breathe In on Spotify
Watch our video for National Infertility Awareness Week featuring Breathe In
Share your journey